 |
 |
  |
 |
|
The Banquet Circuit (December 2004)Jokes, stories and anecdotes you can use to entertain your audience during that all-important presentation.
Two Bats Two
bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm
really thirsty for some fresh blood." The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it's a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah,
I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it." So
he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from
his mouth. "You
lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat. "You
see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full
of blood. "Yeah,
I think I do!" "Well, I didn't."
This
past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking
Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs,
etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's." These
two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals
week (even though the Chem. final was on Monday), they decided to go up to University
of Virginia to a party with some friends. So
they did this and had a great time. However, they ended up staying longer than
they planned, and they didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Aldric after the final
and explained to him why they missed it. They told him that they went up to Virginia
for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they
had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help
for a long time. So they were late getting back to campus. Aldric
thought this over and agreed that they could make up the final on the following
day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went
in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them. He
placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them
to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free
radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this
is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said: (95 points) "Which tire?" Drunk Driving Test A
juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
Ten Dollars Stumpy
Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to
the Portland Fair and every year Stumpy said, "Ya know, Mahtha, I'd like
ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." And every year, Martha would say "I
know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs .. and ten dollahs is ten
dollahs." So
one year Stumpy says, "By Jeebers, Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, and if I don't
go this time I may nevah go." Martha replies, "Stumpy, that there aihplane
ride is ten dollahs ... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs." So
the pilot overhears then and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take
you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say
ONE WORD, then I won't charge you. But just ONE WORD and it's ten dollars." They
agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and
dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more time, and there is still no
word... so he lands. He
turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, "By golly, I did everything
I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't." And Stumpy replies "Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out ... but ten dollahs is ten dollahs." |
