Jokes, stories
and anecdotes you can use to entertain your audience during that all-important
presentation.
New
German Pope makes radical changes...
Boudreaux
the Mortician
Hard
to beat a Cajun for ingenuity!
A man who just died is delivered to a Louisiana
mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Boudreaux the mortician
asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that
the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The
widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue,
and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives Boudreaux a blank check and says,
"I don't care what it costs, just have my husband in a blue suit for the
viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight
she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe;
the suit fits him perfectly She says to Boudreaux, "Whatever the suit cost,
I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did
you spend?"
To her astonishment, Boudreaux presents her with the blank
check. "Dere's no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must
pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly,
ma'am," Boudreaux says, "it didn't cost me a ting. You see, a deceased
gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday,
and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him
going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference
as long as he looked nice."
"So, I just switched the heads."
When
Insults Had Class
"I
have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow
"He
has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"I've
had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx
"I didn't
attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." --
Mark Twain
"He
has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde
"I am
enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... If
you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. ... followed
by Churchill's response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend
second, if there is one." -- Winston Churchill
"I
feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen
Bishop
"He
is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright
Three
Men on a Hike
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came
upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first
man prayed: "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."
Poof!
... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about
2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second
man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river"
Poof!
... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to
row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened
to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength,
the tools and the intelligence to cross the river"
Poof! ... He was
turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and
walked across the bridge.
GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD
LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!
