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The Banquet Circuit (Sept 2009)Jokes, stories and anecdotes you can use to entertain your audience during that all-important presentation.
I returned from the doctor and told Alice that the doctor has told me I had only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, I asked Alice for sex. Naturally, she agreed, so we made love. About 6 hours later, I went to Alice and said, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?' 'Of course,' Alice said, and we did it again. Later, as I got into bed, I looked at my watch and realized that I now had only 8 hours left. I touched Alice's shoulder and said, 'Honey, please... just one more time before I die.' She says, 'Of course, Dave,' and we made love for the third time. After this session, the Alice rolled over and fell a sleep. I began to worry about my impending death, and I tossed and turned until I was down to 4 more hours. I tapped Alice on the shoulder and said, 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could...' At
this point Alice sat up and says, 'Listen Dave, enough is enough I have to get
up in the morning... you don't.' Why parents should always check their children's homework before they hand it in:
After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note: Dear Ms. Davis, I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shovel. Mrs. Harrington This is a real "Oh Shit" moment! His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.' The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, `Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me is . . . You're NOT my Flight Instructor? Hole in One!
Where's My Wife? An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. 'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?' The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?' 'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with a body like yours, she appears out of nowhere….'
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