Inspire Me (April 2004)

True stories, quotes and information on inspiration, leadership and kindness to provide hope and direction in your life.

WOULD YOU DO IT IF IT WERE ON TV?

Matt, an eighth grade teacher, was in a huge hurry. With guests arriving at his home shortly, he had a small list of things to buy. With 14 items in his basket, he decided to chance it and use the "10 items or less" express line.

Matt's heart pounded when he saw Phil, one of his students, come toward him. Matt talks a lot about honesty and ethics and, as he feared, Phil was all too happy to catch him doing something wrong. Sure enough, with a big "gotcha" smile Phil loudly proclaimed, "You have too many items. That's cheating."

On the scale of moral transgressions, misusing the express line is a misdemeanor. But the inconsistency between Matt's words and actions can, nevertheless, seriously undermine his message about the importance of ethics and his personal credibility. Whether he's officially "on duty" or not, a teacher is expected to set a good example. It's the same for all people in authority, including parents and bosses. And when they fail to do so, there are consequences.

Yes, it's unfair to judge a person's character by such small offenses, but many will. Though we judge ourselves by our best intentions and most noble acts, others are likely to judge us by our last worst act.

Here's a simple strategy: act as if there's a tiny TV camera on your shoulder broadcasting all your words and actions. If what you're thinking of doing isn't consistent with the image you want to convey, don't do it.

The old monk sat by the side of the road. With his eyes closed, his legs crossed and his hands folded in his lap, he sat. In deep meditation, he sat.

Suddenly his zazen was interrupted by the harsh and demanding voice of a samurai warrior. "Old man! Teach me about heaven and hell!"

At first, as though he had not heard, there was no perceptible response from the monk. But gradually he began to open his eyes, the faintest hint of a smile playing around the corners of his mouth as the samurai stood there, waiting impatiently, growing more and more agitated with each passing second.

"You wish to know the secrets of heaven and hell?" replied the monk at last. "You who are so unkempt. You whose hands and feet are covered with dirt. You whose hair is uncombed, whose breath is foul, whose sword is all rusty and neglected. You who are ugly and whose mother dresses you funny. You would ask me of heaven and hell?"

The samurai uttered a vile curse. He drew his sword and raised it high above his head. His face turned to crimson and the veins on his neck stood out in bold relief as he prepared to sever the monk's head from its shoulders.

"That is hell," said the old monk gently, just as the sword began its descent. In that fraction of a second, the samurai was overcome with amazement, awe, compassion and love for this gentle being who had dared to risk his very life to give him such a teaching. He stopped his sword in mid-flight and his eyes filled with grateful tears.

"And that," said the monk, "is heaven."

QUOTES for Your WEEK:
by David DeNotaris from his book, “Feeling Your Way Through Life”

“Not knowing how to do something should never be a reason for not doing it.”

“..the H.A.L.T. method. Never make a decision when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.”

“Look for opportunities to help someone else, but don’t give expecting something in return. Give knowing that if we give we receive.”

“Whatever the problem we have in our life, someone has faced it and overcome it. “

“Never be too busy or involved in something to offer someone a helping hand. It may be the same hand that helps you one day.”

“An emotional hug can be a thinking-of-you letter, a thank-you card, or a phone call.”

“There are two ways to build the tallest building in town. You can tear down everyone else’s building, or you can build a strong foundation and use great support.”

“..there are no quick fixes and that we must not just go thorough a problem but grow through a problem.”

“I have learned that everyone has something to offer; we just have to figure out what that some is.”

“I once heard someone say that success is not hocus pocus but focus focus.”

“When trying to determine the difference between a negative and positive force, ask yourself, ‘How will I feel when my mother and grandmother read about this in the front page of the newspaper?’”

“The word hesitate starts with he and contains the word sit. We cannot hesitate. We must act.”

“You were born an original; don’t die a duplicate.”

“You have the most powerful, wonderful, and creative computer on your shoulders.”

“And let me remind you that you can do it.”

THOUGHT for Your WEEK:
90/10 Secret

We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane may be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%!

How?
By your reaction.

Let's use an example....

You're eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the coffee cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school - she misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.

You have a miserable day at work but are not sure why everything seems to go wrong. You look forward to going home. When you arrive home you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why?
Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did your colleagues cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say "It's OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time".

Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good of day you are having. Notice the difference. Two different scenarios. Both started the same, but ended differently.

Why?
Because of how you REACTED.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 secret:
If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out, etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound the steering wheel? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the other driver ruin your day?

The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passengers, etc. Why get stressed out?

You now know the 90-10 secret - apply it and you will be amazed at the results!