Jokes, stories
and anecdotes you can use to entertain your audience during that all-important
presentation.
They're
Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters ... too bad
about their wording or this misspelling. These appeared in church bulletins or
were announced in church services:
A
few are new this year....
The
Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ----------------------------------------------------------------
The
sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus." ---------------------------------------------------------
Low
Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight
Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large
double door at the side entrance. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
This
evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. --------------------------- ------------------------------------------
Ladies,
don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ----------------------------------------------
------------
The
peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ----------------------------------------------------------
Remember
in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard
to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. ----------------------------------------------------------
Don't
let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ---------------------------------------------------------- Miss
Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation. ----------------------------------------------------------
For
those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
Next
Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can
get. ----------------------------------------------------------
The
Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:"Break
Forth Into Joy." ----------------------------------------------------------
Irving
Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days. --------------------------------- ------------------------
At
the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice. ----------------------------------------------------------
Eight
new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones. ---------------------------------------------
------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM- prayer and medication to follow.
----------------------------------------------------------
The
ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in
the basement on Friday afternoon.
---------------------------------------------------------- Ladies
Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
---------------------------------------------------------- The
pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. --------------------------------------------
------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
A
man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really
great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me
asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same
question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29".
"I
am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good.
While standing
at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am
85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way
of telling a mans age. If I put my hands on your butt and squeeze for ten
minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no
one around, the man thought what the hell and let her put her hands on his butt.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was in line behind you at McDonalds."
