Jokes, stories
and anecdotes you can use to entertain your audience during that all-important
presentation.
I sure do miss
Chris Farley...He was one of a kind.
Too
Little, Too Late
A guy is at the Pearly Gates, hoping to be admitted,
and St. Peter says to the guy, "I can't see that you did anything really
good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. I tell you what, if
you can tell me one really good deed that you did, you're in."
So
the guy says, "Once I was driving down the road and saw a gang of bikers
assaulting this poor girl. So I pulled over, got out my car, grabbed a tire iron
and walked straight up to the gang's leader--a huge ugly guy with a studded leather
jacket, bald head but with hair all over his body, and a chain running from his
nose to his ear.
Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his nose and ear
and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding
my tire iron, yelled to the rest of them, 'You leave this poor, innocent lady
alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you
all a lesson in pain!'"
Impressed, St. Peter says, "Really? I
can't seem to find this in your file. When did this happen?"
"Oh,
about two minutes ago."
Sorry
smoker's....but found this photo VERY intriguing!
THIS
IS A CEILING MURAL IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.
BATHROOM
PAINTED FLOOR!!!
IMAGINE
YOU ARE AT A PARTY ....
Tenth
floor of a hi-rise building.....
AND
THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM...
You
open the door...
NOW,
REMEMBER
THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR. KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.....DOESN'T
IT?
Would
this mess up your mind??? Would you be able to walk in to this bathroom???
How's
Norma?
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She
timidly asked,'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient
is doing?'
The
operator said, 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?'
The
grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, 'Norma Findlay, Room 302.'
The
operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.' After
a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, 'Oh, I have good news.
Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine;
her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled
her to be discharged on Tuesday.'
The grandmother said, 'Thank you That's
wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.'
The operator
replied, 'You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?' The grandmother said,
'No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit.'
